Liverpool and Wigan goalkeeper jersey talks about dealing

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Liverpool and Wigan goalkeeper jersey talks about dealing with depression
Chris Kirkland felt trapped, paralysed, desperate. But the former England and Liverpool goalkeeper was terrified that he might have further to fall. “What happened to Gary Speed was the thing that really worried me,” Kirkland says, with reference to the Wales midfielder’s death in 2011. “I didn’t know how far away I was from that. Hopefully, a long, long way.

“I always ask myself: ‘Would I have done something to myself? Would I have harmed myself? I like to think I wouldn’t have done. I certainly didn’t sit there one night, thinking, right, I’ve got to … you know. But you think about it. You do, yeah. Because you don’t want to wake up.
“I said to my wife, Leeona, that I couldn’t wait to go to sleep at night and just be clear. But then, I didn’t want to wake up in the morning because it just starts again. I’d never have done it because of Leeona and our daughter, Lucy. But I was worried how close I was to the next step. That’s why I said: ‘I need to stop playing football.’”
It was August last year and Kirkland was mired in a battle against depression – the insidious illness that he says started to creep up on him in 2012, after his departure from Wigan Athletic, a club he loved and did not want to leave. Kirkland had signed a one-year contract at Bury in June 2016 but he came to feel overwhelmed. He simply could not continue.
Bury were hugely supportive and the club’s manager, Dave Flitcroft, showed why he is cut out to be a leader of men. Flitcroft told him to get away, take his time, seek help but, Kirkland being Kirkland, he decided to give it one more try.
“I restarted training but, on the third day, I was in a five-a-side game, there were shots coming in and I just wasn’t diving,” Kirkland says. “I was thinking: ‘I don’t want to be here any more.’ I walked off, I Authentic Terrance West Jersey went straight up to Dave and I said: ‘I can’t do it anymore. I need you to rip my contract up.’ That’s when the statement came out.”
In his statement Kirkland talked about how he needed “time and space away from the game”; that he was retiring at 35 after a 17-season professional career in order to put his “family’s future and well-being first”. It did not disclose the specifics of the depression. “It was because I was ashamed,” Kirkland says. “I wasn’t getting any help at that point. Nobody knew. But it was straight after that when I said to Leeona: ‘I have to do something here’.”
I was ashamed. I wasn’t getting any help at that point. Nobody knew. I said to Leeona: ‘I have to do something here’
It is sometimes referred to as the lightbulb moment; when it finally becomes clear that there is a fundamental problem. Kirkland reached out to Michael Bennett, the head of player welfare at the Professional Footballers’ Association, and the path to recovery would be illuminated.
“As strange as it sounds, I managed Cam Fowler Adidas Jersey to block it out during matches,” Kirkland adds. “I don’t know how. But the anxiousness was getting the better of me – with the travelling, for example. If I had to stay over in Sheffield, I was panicking.” Kirkland lost his place in the Wednesday team to Keiren Westwood in 2014-15 and he describes that season as “when it started to show; when I just wanted to shut down completely”.


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